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Minding Your Own Business!

2007-03-12

Is it ever ok to butt into a friends relationship?

I have mixed feelings on this topic, friends are always going to butt into your relationships to a certain extent, we usually ask for advice which friends usually give, after all that's what friends are there for right... Funny how when we don't happen to like what their saying we then accuse them of interfering or butting in *sometimes the truth hurts*

One of my recent survey questions was: Would you tell your friend if you knew their partner was cheating on them? My answer was yes but then I got to thinking to a relationship incident that happened to me a couple of years back which should of given me pretty good reason to choose "no"

I was in a fairly solid relationship with a guy I'd been seeing for over a year, I use the word "fairly" because the picture I'm about to paint won't come across all that rosey.... Anyways cutting a long story short I had a weekend fling with a man living in another state, our extended one night stand included lunch out in the city where out of a million people that I could of bumped into I had to bump into one of my boyfriends best mates!! *I couldn't hide anywhere so I just ducked to the floor super quickly and probably made my presence even more obvious*

For months afterwards I was literally shaking in my boots, I just kept thinking he's going to tell him and that will be the end of everything *I cheated yes but that didn't mean I didn't love this guy, just means I wasn't faithful*

Avoiding my boyfriends mate was not an option as we all worked in the same place... Eventually to my relief one night at work his mate told me "I did see you that day but it's not my place to say anything" Phew!!

While some people are probably thinking "well what kind of mate is that, he should of told him" For more reasons other than my selfish ones it was a blessing in disguise that he never said a word because it gave my boyfriend and I just enough rope to hang ourselves.

Our relationship was over within the next year and no not because I cheated, I honestly think we could of worked through that but we broke up because we obviously weren't "the one" for eachother... He dumped me so there's my karma anyways.

I'm sure his mate would of stepped up if there were marriage plans on the table, so maybe it is ok to take a backseat sometimes and let people work it out for themselves?

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BitterGoddess (2007-03-17)
OKay...I live by the notion that a one night stand is forgiveable. The reason being that people are people and they fuck up. When that one night stand becomes an affair, thats when it becomes really messed up. I was best friends with a woman that was married to a really great man, and he became just as much a wonderful friend to me. She had numerous affairs behind his back, and would leave him off and on, never taking responsibility, but convincing him he had anger issues. He would always take her back, but really it was "her taking him back" in his mind. Our of respect for him and the great guy he was, when he asked me if there were other men in her life (he had begun to suspect), I had to be honest with him. Then he was honest with me. When she would leave him, would accuse him of sleeping with me. She was really messed up. He was 100% faithful to her. I say that if it is continual, and you have respect for the party being wronged, nomatter what, you should be honest if their life is about to be ruined. Honesty is always the best policy. In my case, I saw this go on for 2 years. The guilt of watching my friend's husband be shit on over and over finally became too much to bear. In hindsight, she really wasn't much of a friend anyway.

Jamwa (2007-03-14)
It's only a blog entry so no need to personally attack me!

blak000 (2007-03-14)
Sorry, I can't agree. I know you state that you "loved the guy" but cheating is a pretty good clue that all wasn't well in the relationship. I mean, you guys split ways a year later... which isn't very long in relationship time. If you catch your friend's significant other being unfaithful, you owe it to your friend to let him/her know. Don't think about this in the perspective of "I was able to get off free because my bf's friend didn't tell..." instead, as yourself "if my bf cheated on me, and one of my friends knew... how would i feel if she held out on me?"

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